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1. |
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It's my, given right
to talk all night about
political strife.
I am a wanted man,
makin' my jump for
Interstate flight.
My life's so complete,
I got more babies
than I know how to feed.
I tend to turn to crime,
A good legbreaker with
a violent side.
Hold the line Mister Operator,
you got time Mister Operator.
This could be my last dime.
Time, you messed with my mind,
you got more ticks
than a mutt that's blind.
I know you're impressed with my show,
betcha never thought
I'd be on Death Row?
I shine like Lincoln Rhyme,
trapped like a sucka
with a single dime.
Don't hang up on my call,
I never shoulda beat you
in that restaurant.
Hold the line Mister Operator,
you got time Mister Operator.
This could be my last dime.
Hold the line Mister Operator,
you got time Mister Operator.
This could be my last...
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2. |
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It’s Saturday,
tie me up, lock me away.
I could be a suit like you if I,
wasn’t caught in the middle.
Chink of light and heavy chains,
hanging here with hunger pains.
Locked away inside an oubliette,
I went soft in the middle.
Ahhhh… caught in the middle.
A cockroach meal for me,
I was a company man you see,
and this is my reward for twenty years,
lost in the middle.
Trapped like a screwball chud,
cold stone abbey, stubborn Monk.
I could be the Abbot in the hood,
If I was free from the riddle.
Hey, hey, hey, help!
Ahhhh… caught in the middle.
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3. |
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La, la, la, la…
She looked like David Lo Pan,
I knocked her down but then she flipped up again.
I don’t know, exactly where to begin to tell this tale,
I guess I’ll start halfway in.
She’s like a printer refill - too costly,
I’d rather get a new model in - it’s cheaper.
One that isn’t gossamer thin,
I’ll bin her off and I’ll start over again.
I hate you,
but my heart goes..
boom boom boom boom…
I hate you,
you drag me down, down, down.
And she said: La, la, la, la…
Dinner didn’t go very well,
she ordered orphans on a bed of roast lamb.
They screamed like lobster when they entered the pan - she’s evil.
I cup my ears with my hands.
I hate you,
but my heart goes..
boom boom boom boom…
I love you,
you give me, all the respect, that I never had.
Our ship will sail. (x lots)
I’m a white 80’s soulboy and I listen to electroclash.
I’m a lanky urban cowboy and I tend a bar to get some cash.
I love you,
my heart goes..
boom boom boom boom…
I love you,
you give me, all the respect, that I never had.
I saw her there on the stair,
just like that mouse that went clip clop on the stair.
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4. |
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It was Halloween,
and I was Steve McQueen.
I drove the Bullit car,
to hang out with a witch I’d seen.
Thought she was black & white,
but she was nice and green.
She cast a spell on me,
and said that we were meant to be…
Oh, “have you read Catcher in the Rye?” she said.
“Ho, ho, ho, ho Merry Christmas, I'm in the Rye, it’s time to die” she said..
This is a horror show,
I’m in the starring role.
She likes to call me from her bed of polaroids and go:
“Morning honey, it’s me again,
I called you last night, I knew you were home,
you looked so sad in bed all alone…”
Oh, “have you read Catcher in the Rye?” she said.
“Ho, ho, ho, ho Merry Christmas, I'm in the Rye, it’s time to die” she said..
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5. |
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I hate the way that you left me,
I guess it’s 7 years ago.
I thought you’d never reject me.
But now I’m made of money,
And my life seems so rock n’ roll.
I bet you’ll never forget me now – how could you?
I have always been, a ball of energy.
Live Fast, Die Young.
And my philosophy?
Short Life, Fast Times, alright?
I broke the mirror you gave me,
I guess it’s 7 years bad luck.
You got the itch and you sold me out - how could you?
And when I’m feeling lonely,
I look at how my life turned out.
You swore you’d always protect us both – why did you lie?
I have always been, a ball of energy.
Live Fast, Die Young.
And my philosophy?
Short Life, Fast Times, alright?
Crying, it’s such a sad thing,
Such a bad way,
To spend your time.
Lying, it’s such a sad thing,
Such a bad way,
To live your life.
My philosophy? Short Life, Fast Times, alright?
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6. |
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Hello, hello,
I have seen you before.
No, please don't go.
Where do I know you from?
Well I don't know..
I guess I've seen you round these parts before.
I remember you now!
We had a date but you went and stood me up!
Saturday ain't a great day for me anyhow!
Didya miss the train?
Get caught in the rain?
Can you explain?
Hello, Hello To You!
Hello To You.
Hello, hello..
Hello, hello,
I'm knocking at your door.
Nobody's home.
Why do I never seem to score?
Damned if I know..
But I guess it could be time to take a look.
It's been a long while,
Since a went on a date with a girl i'd like to..
Saturday, ain't a great day for me anyhow!
Didya miss the train?
Get caught in the rain?
I felt so lame.
Hello, Hello To You!
Hello To You.
Can I get close to you?
Get close to you.
Hello, Hello To You!
Hello To You.
Maybe I should learn to play guitar?
Saturday ain't a great day for me anyhow!
Didya miss the train?
Get caught in the rain?
Can you explain?
Hello, Hello To You!
Hello To You.
Can I get close to you?
Get close to you.
Hello, Hello To You!
Hello To You.
Hello, hello..
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7. |
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I learned life’s lessons on the Cosby Show,
Cliff dressed up and took rent from Theo.
This is real life - these are hard, hard times.
I saw the truth on 90210,
Dylan got drunk and Brandon nearly let him drive home.
These are hard, hard times – real life – hard times.
These are hard, hard times.
They are, our hard times.
Mr. President you got it wrong,
All life’s people want to do these days is get along!
These are hard, hard times – real life – hard times.
These are hard, hard times.
They are, our hard times.
This is wholly inappropriate,
Someone fetch the Queen!
Tell her a subject lied - just to save his skin.
See the mess he’s in?
These are hard, hard times.
They are, our hard times.
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8. |
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Oh, baby,
This could be goodbye.
Oh, honey,
Let me tell you why-
I was the Champion Of The Ring,
The papers call me ‘The Coma Kid.’
“How long will you sleep?”
Who knows?
Oh, baby,
I don’t want to die.
But there is nothing left inside.
Now I realise-
I thought that I was fighting fit,
I’ve spent my life as The Coma Kid.
“How long will you sleep?”
Who knows?
I’m never, never, never, ever gonna wake up!
Oh, honey,
I’ve been wasting time.
Rolled with the punches in my life,
Never read the signs-
I thought that I was fighting fit,
I’ve spent my life as The Coma Kid.
“How long will you sleep?”
Who knows.
I’m never, never, never, ever gonna wake up!
Oh, baby,
Don’t want to see you cry.
I’m never, never, never, ever gonna wake up!
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9. |
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Come one, come all, come gather round,
To hear a most cerebral sound.
From a little town in the old North West,
An Art Pop Band at your behest..
Welcome to my Art Pop Band!
One a penny, two a penny, Art Pop Band.
We play, in an Art Pop Band.
The finest Art Pop Band in all the land.
Let me take you by the hand,
To sample this most charming brand.
It will be fun, it will be grand,
To hear my little Art Pop Band.
Welcome to my Art Pop Band!
One a penny, two a penny, Art Pop Band.
I must admit to finding you aesthetically pleasing,
And I only hope you feel the same for me.
But if not, perhaps you'd like some rough n' tumble,
Out of curiosity?
Welcome to my Art Pop Band!
One a penny, two a penny, Art Pop Band.
Welcome to my Art Pop, welcome to my Art Pop,
Welcome to my Art Pop -
One a penny, two a penny, Art Pop Band!
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10. |
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Andy's Fairweather's friends,
All hugs n' love when the going is good,
No one in sight when times are tough.
Andy Fairweather's friends,
Take all the credit and make all the bread.
Andy just ruefully shakes his head.
On with the show (that's what they say to me).
Fairweather-Low, will you play for me?
They will come and go.
Andy's Fairweather's friends,
After-show parties and red carpet dos.
Andy stays home, plays the blues.
Andy's Fairweather's friends,
Drop him the moment they roll out of town.
Life's just a circus and Andy's the clown.
On with the show (that's what they say to me).
Fairweather-Low, will you play for me?
They will come and go.
On with the show (that's what they say to me).
Fairweather-Low, will you play for me?
They will come and go.
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11. |
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This is what’s known as a disconnect
They rifle through your garbage and they take the best
Stuff to build a picture of your every move
They’re on you. Check the rear view
It came from the brain of sci-fi hack
Armies of devotees wearing shades and dressed in black
Is the colour of your mood, so don’t get depressed now
Don’t frown now
We got a skeleton key to Hollywood
Say goodbye to your family
Goodbye for good
I went to a shrink and passed an LDT
He said I had an alien inside of me
Dying for a chance to be all actorly
It will be costly, he said softly
We got a skeleton key to Hollywood
Say goodbye to your family
Goodbye for good
They do all that they can to destroy your name
And when you ask them why, they simply say “fair game”
Even Charlie Manson wouldn’t go this far
To charm you, then harm you
We got a skeleton key to Hollywood
Say goodbye to your family
Goodbye for good
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12. |
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I know this girl called Jodie Bell,
And she is mentally unwell.
One fine day she spikes my drink
Ties me up and carries me.
She takes me to the graves of cats,
My feline friend, she bites like that.
She puts bandages on me,
And starts to call me mummy.
Jodie Bell
The grave I fell into was meant for
Me & you.
Six feet under, kissing in the dirt.
I know this girl called Jodie Bell,
She has a dark side to her world.
She would take the eyes from cats,
To make a necklace and a badge.
Jodie Bell and the graveyard.
It was her church, I was her God.
And when she showed me our own stone
I called her names and tried to run.
Jodie Bell
The grave I fell into was meant for
Me & you.
Six feet under, kissing in the dirt.
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13. |
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I am a little Cessna plane
Taking John F. Kennedy Jnr to his grave
I am a villain on a speeding train
Catch me before the final frame
I'm always first to be picked for a game
I am a footballing galactico
I'll draw you pictures of my latest flame
She looks the spit of Mira Sorvino
I pushed a kid into the road
And pulled him back again-
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
And now she owes your life to me
Tell yer da I saved yer life
And he owes £3.50
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
Or I'll be coming after you..
I am without a doubt the cock of my school
But my story has a tangy little twist
I am a lonely little fantasist and
my friends may or may not even exist
I pushed a kid into the road
And pulled him back again-
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
And now she owes your life to me
Tell yer da I saved yer life
And he owes £3.50
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
Or I'll be coming after you
And your brother too..
I see my father on the weekend
But he's always drunk out of his head
So anyway, what's wrong with that?
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
And now she owes your life to me
Tell yer da I saved yer life
And he owes £3.50
Tell yer ma I saved yer life
Or I'll be coming after you
And your brother too
And your cousin too..
Yer ma, yer da, yer uncle Freddie Starr..
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14. |
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Welcome to the CBD
There’s a woman shouting in Chinese
A girl looks longer than she really should
And the old man says “you could lose me you could”
Like a platform scroller
The harder levels come as you get older
We ascend into the street
Like sewer rats lookin’ for a feed
And the big dig’s tearing up my route to work
And we’re just sprites dropping acid in a parallax world
Like a platform scroller
One false move, that’s it, game over
They said the working life was tough
But they really didn’t train me up
Just to push this pen every single day
Till they pack me in a box, chuck in a gold watch, and say:
Thank you for your service
Thank you for your gracious service
I’m playing Shadow of the Beast
But I never make it past the trees
My best-laid plans have hit the skids
And I’m riding upstream like a Junior Kickstart kid
Thank you Peter Purves
Thank you for your gracious service
Thank you for your service
Thank you for your gracious service
Running and jumping and ducking and diving
Waking and working and living and dying
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15. |
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Does your doctor have a license,
that allows him to practice on you?
Did you check out his credentials,
is he medically approved?
Will you end up feeling used?
Before the year us through,
he'll make a fool of you.
Did your director go to film school?
Did he graduate from UCLA?
Did you ever see a showreel?
Or the short he claimed had made it to the Sundance Festival? (quote)
He's laughing at you all.
Before the month is through,
he'll make a fool of you.
Does your producer make hit records?
Did he teach Phil Spector all that he knows? (quote)
Did he really work on Pepper?
Did he show you all the Grammies lined up on his mantelpiece?
He's a double platinum cheat!
Before the week is through,
he'll make a fool of you.
He's a double platinum cheat!
Before the day is through,
he'll make a fool of you..
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16. |
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We’re through with knockin’ ‘round this one-horse town
When you’ve been around the block as many times as we
It’s a struggle to maintain your sanity
It’s true, we never really made a splash
An A&R man flashed some cash
The album never hit the street
But we play it to our friends and family
While others try to kick against the gloom
By getting cosmic in a darkened room
We’re moving on to find a new frontier
We ain’t got no business bein’ here
We’re sick and tired of following the pack
So we’re veering from the beaten track
I swear the truth has never been so clear
We ain’t got no business being here
And now, because he never bet the ranch
They’ll never recoup that advance
How lovely it would be
If we used it to escape this industry
So we’re out of here, we’re free at last
From the shackles of our past
We lost the battle but we won the war
And the slaves will own the masters evermore
While others try to kick against the gloom
By getting cosmic in a darkened room
We’re moving on to find a new frontier
We ain’t got no business bein’ here
Ain’t nobody gonna shed a tear
As the curtain falls on our career
And obscurity looms ever near
We ain’t got no business being here
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Singles n' Slices is an anthology of singles and unreleased demos from the band's career.*
The Santa Carla discography includes:
Dumb Show (2007) (unreleased)
..The Great 10p Mix Up (2006) (limited EP)
Earworms (2005) (EP)
Motion Picture (2003) (album)